New Live-In Servant Results in Drama!

It is no secret that relationships are a LOT of work. D/s relationships, vanilla relationships, hell, even friendships. They closer you are, the more work they become.

My rule is that the work must always be WORTH it. If someone is not giving back as much good as they are creating of chaos, I can't have them in my life.

My new live-in servant is very challenging. He provides, already, a great deal of usefulness & joy to my life. He is endlessly helpful around the home, having skills in gardening, cleaning, and even an excellent caretaker for my rescued dog, taking her on walks and assisting with her rehabilitation into life with humans.

He is also very attractive, which is a good perk. It has been a while since I had a slave to train who I was actually attracted to, and that is very interesting.

He has a genuinely good heart and we have a lot in common in terms of the things we care about (animals, gardening, thrift store shopping, hanging in coffee shops!) etc.

On the other hand, he has some pretty serious communication issues. He is very used to doing things "his own way" and is not very trusting. Or perhaps it's adequate to say he's so overly trusting, and has been burned so many times, that he questions his trust at every turn.

And then, there's the major complication: The other woman.

Just about three weeks before I started talking to him about coming to serve me, he started sleeping with / playing with a fellow submissive... who he is actually TOPPING. She has fallen very in love and they have a "special bond."

At first, I had hopes that this would not prove too be much drama, however, she does not follow some of my beliefs when it comes to open communication and honesty, and refuses to change her behavior for me and take responsibility for her own actions and words. Because of this, I have simply mandated that he go over to HER house two days per week instead of her coming over here to our home so that I do not have to be exposed to the drama that her and my slave enjoy mongering about together.

Still, she proves to be a great distraction for him. He cares for her deeply, the way he would for a partner, and calls her regularly, fusses over her, worries about her. She is very needy and requires a deep emotional connection.

Not that I would mind training a slave who was in a serious relationship, or even married, but in my ideal world, this woman would be supportive of his training, she would be INVOLVED in it, she truly believe that being trained to be my ideal house servant was exactly what he needed in his life and care about it almost as much as he does and even derive her own enjoyment from observing & assisting with his training.

But this woman? She is, emotionally, HIS submissive. He thought that he could just top her and stay "friends" and insisted to me, "I am not her Dom!" .... but I had to explain to him: This woman is a hardcore submissive. She is IN LOVE with you. How could you expect to give her suggestions, and for her not to follow them? How could you expect anything other than for her to EMOTIONALLY become your sub? .... Just because you slap the label of "friendship" on it and declare it is nothing more, does not make it so.

It is the old story, in the vanilla world, of the guy who sleeps with the teenage girl, thinking nothing of it, and she falls in love & wants to devote her heart to him. He's sitting there saying, "But I told her I just wanted to 'hang out' sometimes" and she's sitting there, "Ohhhh, my Romeo!"

So when she hears of him giving up control to me, or being punished by me, she thinks, "ohhh, poor thinggg, how awful" and becomes fearful for him. She wants nothing but to have him all for herself, to love him and spoil him and SERVE him.

I could do the evil bitch thing and say "if you stay with me, the other woman has got to go." But I CAN'T do that, because I prioritize this woman's heart and well-being above my slave's need to serve. To ORDER my slave to break a woman's heart? Her wants must always come above HIS. He slept with her, he topped her, now she's in love and wants him in her life, and I value that. In addition, she is suffering from some health issues and relies on him to care for her. In a way, by sleeping with her, he was commiting to loving her, and I won't allow him to "fuck her and run." That kind of pigheaded maleness would just ruin him in my eyes forever.

But what about my needs?

I do WANT to have a good submissive in my life. However, what I want most is for my life to be drama free. He can stay, or he can go, but he cannot stay AND drama. I would like to encourage him to explore his relationship with her, to move out in with her, and then return to me once the two of them have ended (should it be so), but he appears distraught and panicky when I mention such a thing.  So I do not even know how to begin to broach that topic with him.

So now it seems I am stuck with a bucketful of drama in my life. I have a new submissive who wishes to be my slave and longs for a real, permanent relationship. I would like to offer him that. However, he has an "attachment" who is sabotaging to his relationship with me and who must be prioritized over his service & love for me.

Mind you, I feel terribly resentful that I am the youngest party in this situation (they are both twice my age, give or take a decade) and yet, I am the only one "doing the work." Neither of them had ever considered learning about the poly lifestyle. They haven't shared STD tests together. Hell, they hadn't even discussed how she felt about him potentially having the honor of serving me sexually until I brought it up. They haven't been studying communication & negotiating multiple relationships. Why? Because they are "just friends," of course, so the fact that they were actually becoming a poly couple hadn't been ADMITTED to each other yet. Still hasn't. They are "just friends" who happen to be sleeping together and who are in an unofficial D/s relationship together. Greaaaat. *rolls eyes*

Once again, I'm the young one telling the damned adults how to get their shit together. Story of my life, that one is.

To make things even more complicated, I find male doms & switches very unattractive. I prefer my men to be submissive ONLY, not topping some subbie girl on the side. So every single day, he becomes less & less appealing to me as anything more than a service submissive.  I could've enjoyed it if they switched with EACH other or if she topped him and they were mostly vanilla. But she is his little girl & his submissive & his PET, albeit unofficially, and I find that very... gross. It's neat if OTHER people want to do that, but I don't wanna hear about it, see it, etc, cuz it's an instant boner killer for me.... 

I really wish I had run screaming when I first heard of this situation. I should've known better. In fairness, the situation had not been revealed to me in it's entirety. Funny what you find out once you start living with someone full time, hmm?

Ah, well. If the situation does not resolve by April, he can go back to his prior Mistress then. And, if the situation becomes worse..... I can ask him to move in with her for a while and figure their shit out together. 

I am going to start blogging here about the various issues involved in his training & share our journey. I hope this will help keep me sane during this time.